In the 19 years that I’ve been on earth, there was only one man who I saw myself marrying in the future. They say it’s serious when you think about the future with someone. It’s always serious when your lives start to intertwine. Your families know each other, you have dogs together, you go everywhere together, celebrate anniversaries, go shopping together, go to trips together, date everyday, all the whole shebang of being in a serious relationship. It all falls into place.
But somehow something always goes wrong. And somehow it all ends up…ending.
Remember Lady Gaga saying, “Some women follow men, while some follow their dreams.” True, in most cases. It’s just really sad how things seem to break apart no matter how hard you try. You know, it kills me to make decisions sometimes. When you know you’re hurting the one person you love the most so much just to make yourself happy—that’s pure shit, yeah it is, for some people; but it’s always a different thing when it comes to yourself.
I’ve been fickle-minded my whole life, but somehow making this decision put a halt to that. I’ve never been firm about anything before. I don’t know what it is, but something tells me that this will all be alright. Pure cliché, but that’s how things are meant to be.
Reasons need not to be given—are they even important? How does “I want to be happier.” sound to you? I think it’s selfish. Selfish but somehow understandable. Things just have to stay the way they are now. Which I can very much describe to be okay. C’mon now, three years ain’t going to the trash bin. He was, still, and will always be part of my life. He wasn’t just a boyfriend. He was actually family! And now he’s a friend. You can’t really ask for anything else anymore. Everything is just the way it should be.
Maybe someday things would be better. There’s like a billion people out there. You do think one out of that billion will the perfect one, don’t you? And yet you may also go back to where you started from. We can never really say.
What we had was more than special. Never really loved anyone that much before. And never really loved anyone like him before.
If it’s meant to be, it will be.
This is the end for now, though. I have my life waiting for me… the life that I’ve been meaning to live! And I just can’t bear the thought of leaving people hanging and see them hurting because I want to be happier. Cutting all strings attached is a good move. And it is always better to end it now, than keep on living and thinking you should be somewhere else.
“Your happiness counts too.” Always remember that.